Well, this isn’t exactly how I planned to spend my first week back as a stay-at-home mom. Yes, you heard that right. I am currently a stay-at-home mom again as of last Thursday…the last day of my company’s existence as we know it. The news came as a bit of a shock in terms of the timing, although when I think about it, I’m not really surprised. I always knew the day might come when my boss got tired of the business and would want to retire or move onto other things. I guess I never realized I might still be around (in the company) at that point. It’s bittersweet for me. It’s the place that I have called my second home since moving to the Big Apple with two of the only co-workers I have ever known in this city. I have changed so much since my beginning there as a young twenty-something, and I have learned so much about advertising, production, animation, and so many other areas I had the opportunity of dipping into during my last seven years. I have had the chance to meet and work with some incredibly talented and amazing people, be included in fabulous events, and learn the ins and outs of an industry from a rare point of view. I am ever grateful for the mentorship, friendship, flexibility, confidence, trust, concern, and kindness my boss has shown toward me over these last several years. As a newcomer to NY, it can be scary to embark on a journey in such a large city, but I felt welcomed immediately and knew that I had people that I could count on in my life through my work.
It’s bittersweet, because although I am sad to leave the comfort of my job and my day-to-day relationships, this does mean I get to spend more time with my son while I figure all of this out. I also get the chance to start fresh and maybe try something new. I have thought about trying something new from time to time, but then I always get sucked back into the day-to-day, and I lean on the comfort of my security with where I am at. Now, I have no excuse for not pursuing those dreams. I don’t even necessarily know if I have figured out exactly what those dreams are…but I know have the time to soul search, dig deep into myself to figure out what I am passionate about, determine what my strengths are, and possibly marry all of that together. I do know that I want to continue working in some way, shape, or form. I like having a job outside of the home where I can be someone other than “Mom.” I love being Mom, but I also love creating and thinking and producing and connecting…doing all of the other things I know I am capable of in my life and in my career. I have enjoyed the balance in the past months since I have finished with maternity leave between home life and work life. I think that works best for me and my family…for my sanity…for Nico to grow comfortable with others…for my husband in regard to my sanity haha. I would like to find a way that I can continue that balance going forward. I don’t want to rush. I want to enjoy this extra time with my baby while I can, because I will never get it back. And I want to make sure my future decisions are based on careful, well-thought-out, heart-and-mind-fulfilling planning.
All that being said…this is not the way I planned on spending my first week back at home. I was super excited to take Nico out on playdates, catch up on blog posts, find some time for soul searching and career planning. And the most I have managed is two loads of laundry in four days. I have basically been immobile on the couch or bed, feeling like I have been hit by a ton of bricks. I have been bound by high fevers, chills, sniffles, body aches, head throbs, and a gnarly looking sore-throat…the absolute works. I’m not even able to care for myself, let alone a small child. My husband had to come home from work just to take me to the doctor, because I couldn’t get there by myself with the baby (and I also didn’t want the baby in the doctor’s office with a bunch of sick people.) It’s a miracle he hasn’t gotten sick yet, and I’m praying he doesn’t. Turns out, I think I have strep throat, and no wonder I am so miserable. I have not been feeling like that supermom I thought I would considering I have a full week of quality time alone with my son. Instead, it’s me moaning on the couch while he tries to play with his toys alone, wondering why I won’t play with him. It’s him bringing me toys and books up onto the couch, saying in his own way “come on mom, you used to be fun.” He’s been acting out, I think in defiance to my current state of being couch ridden. Refusing to eat his food, refusing to take his naps, and demanding milk constantly. Yesterday was an all-time low in regard to us spending time together. I thought I might literally go insane and found myself wishing for the day to just end so I could go to sleep and feel better, and that is just sad.
However today is a new day. I think the meds are finally starting to kick in, and it’s the first morning I woke up feeling not 100% miserable. I am even contemplating a walk later…if I can just get the rain to cooperate. Nico woke me up this morning with a kiss on my cheek complete with a MMMMWAH sound, and it just melted my heart. No matter how trying our day together was yesterday, I know that little guy has an ultimate love for me, and I have it just as much, if not more for him. When I woke up, I knew today was going to be a better day. And as I’m typing, Nico is taking a nap, so we are already on the right track. Although I haven’t gotten 1/10 of the things on my “first week back list” checked off I know I just need to be patient, regain my health, keep my family happy, and everything will work itself out in the end.
Lately I’ve been…
reading Finished beachy read, Another Piece of My Heart, by Jane Green. Nothing groundbreaking, but a decent vacation read.
writing A deposition for a court date. I’m a witness! Don’t get too excited, it’s just traffic court…
listening To lots of upbeat music, because Friday I returned to the gym after a 20 month hiatus. And I actually went again on Monday, and went for a run this morning. Hoping to keep this momentum going, because I’m already feeling more energized (apart from my sore limbs).
thinking That we had a really great time last Sunday at the Industry City Dance Party in Sunset Park, Brooklyn. Zack was eager to go, and I was a little worried that we would be “those people” bringing a baby into an entirely inappropriate situation, but I was happy to find all sorts of kids and babies rockin’ out on the dance floor with the best of them. It was definitely a party. And not a kid’s party. But the fact that kids were welcomed and deemed appropriate there was pretty cool. Nico (not surprisingly) loved it, and our little fam had a really great time getting our dance on.
smelling My fav scent, Light Blue.
watching All the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge videos. I was a little annoyed by them at first…people dousing themselves so they didn’t have to donate…didn’t make a lot of sense to me. But after reading this blog post, I have a new perspective.
wishing Nico an early Happy 1st Birthday! He is turning ONE on Friday. I just can’t believe it.
hoping That I can get my act together this week for a party planning extravaganza. And by extravaganza, I mean myself, a glass of wine, my living room, and some DIY crafting.
wearing In the photo above I’m wearing my new ModCloth dress that I got at their 70% off sale! It’s sold out, but check out some of their other sale dresses here. Did I mention I was able to go shopping this weekend…ALONE? It was kind of amazing.
loving My new haircut (also seen in photo above) from the amazing Tim Dueñas. Feels so much lighter and loving having some layers again.
laughing At this adorable friendship on Daily Laughs.
wanting The summer to stick around a little longer. I’m not ready for the beach days to end…
needing To start checking some more things off my bucket list. And as I’m looking at it…thinking about making some edits.
feeling Incredibly nervous as today is Nico’s first day with his new nanny and new playmate. We are going to miss our old one so much, and it’s going to be a tough transition week for all of us, but I’m hoping he will adjust quickly.
clicking Looking for a few sweet new baby gifts for little ones on the way.
What have you been up to lately?
Hope you are all having a fantastic week!
Lately I’ve been…
reading Finished a few good ones recently. First up was The Fault in Our Stars. I wanted to read the book before watching the movie. Of course, it’s predictable and a total tearjerker, but I was pleasantly surprised with how well a male author (John Green) was able to capture the mind of a sixteen year old girl. Next, I read Dark Places, by Gillian Flynn. This author never disappoints. Although the main character, Libby, is a little unlikable in my opinion, Gillian Flynn is always keeping you on your toes with her novels and makes you want more. Heading to the beach this weekend, so if you have any beach reads to recommend, please do!
writing A ginormous to-do list of everything I need to get done before our trip to the Outer Banks. And a packing list.
listening Summer…my summer anthem by Calvin Harris. Prepping a little playlist for our road trip.
thinking That this beautifully written blog post from my friend Sascha really hits home for the working mom.
smelling The delicious homemade eggplant parm the hubby cooked this week. Fresh eggplant, tomatoes, and basil from the garden. Melt in your mouth amazingness.
watching The Bachelorette finale really threw me for a loop! I realize I am delayed on watching my shows, so sorry for being late to the party. I won’t throw out any spoilers for those who may also be behind on their TV watching, but let’s just say I was really surprised!
wishing Time would slow down a bit. My little baby is almost a year old already! I can’t even take it.
hoping I can pull off this fabulous fishtail braid at the beach next week shown in this tutorial by Nikki.
wearing Lots of leopard print this week. Feeling feisty.
laughing At how Nico loves to be chased around the house. I will crawl after him, and he will start crawling away squealing with delight…then come back and start chasing me while laughing. That belly laugh is enough to get me laughing and smiling all day long.
wanting To be with my little boy today. In case you couldn’t tell, I’m missing him a lot while at work this week. Looking forward to spending a whole week with him at the beach and introducing him to the place I have vacationed since I was a small child. Also excited that the whole family will be able to see how much he has grown.
needing A little girl (one day) so I can buy these adorable ribbons from Brit!
feeling Totally inspired by hometown friend Candice as she becomes the first plus-sized model to appear in next year’s Pirelli calendar. Doesn’t she look fantastic!!??
craving Something sweet. What else is new?
clicking On 1st birthday party ideas for my little guy.
What have you been up to lately?
Hope you are all having a fantastic week!